January 23, 2006
~there are things that I just wanted to take care on my own…..
~I want to solve my own problems and see the outcome of my solutions……. I guess I just wanted to make sure that I could take things my way and tell the world that even though life has a lot of hard lessons and struggles, I could stand up for myself and say “Hay! Life’s not bad after all.”
~That’s what I wanted to believe………
~ There are things I want to learn, things that I shouldn’t forget, and meet people that would remember me for who I am………
~I’m not hopeless, no please don’t think of me like that…… I just want to let all my emotions out without hurting anyone I love…… that’s why I decided to take things on my own without the help of my friends or family….. I just don’t want them to worry about me too much…… so that’s the reason why they think that I’m a person full of laughter, happiness, smiles……..
~but they’re wrong……… I’m just wearing a mask just to make them think that I’m fine, that I’m ok……. I grew up depending only on my own…..
~people expect me to be perfect…. But I’m absolutely the opposite…. I have my own share of imperfections… I create mistakes….. I’m being confused and unsure….. I just want to be treated as a normal person and that is all………
~at first I believed that being who I want to be is sometimes the wrong thing to do…. Maybe that’s why at the first place I forgot who I really am…….. Never knowing that I’ve already lost a big part of me……..
~while i'm searching for the right person to be with….. I think I should also search the other side of me…… the real me …………
Monday, June 4, 2007
Happiness
December 25, 2005
~ Merry Christmas everyone!
~ hmmmmnnn.... what should i say?~ well I’m feeling quite fine…. Ok.... Happy I guess…. Well, I don’t know why but it seems that, I forgot all the things I’m quite confused about……
~ well… that a good start for the upcoming new year….
~ feeling bad about yourself wouldn’t help you a lot….. That’s what I’ve learned now……
~ I just need to be happy for myself that’s all…….
~ and about finding someone…… lets not talk about it……… he’ll come, I know she will…….. I just have to be patient…….
~What’s more important now is that I feel relived and happy….. = )
~ Merry Christmas everyone!
~ hmmmmnnn.... what should i say?~ well I’m feeling quite fine…. Ok.... Happy I guess…. Well, I don’t know why but it seems that, I forgot all the things I’m quite confused about……
~ well… that a good start for the upcoming new year….
~ feeling bad about yourself wouldn’t help you a lot….. That’s what I’ve learned now……
~ I just need to be happy for myself that’s all…….
~ and about finding someone…… lets not talk about it……… he’ll come, I know she will…….. I just have to be patient…….
~What’s more important now is that I feel relived and happy….. = )
Search
November 19, 2005
~Almost all of the people thinks about nothing more than sex…….
~Hmmnnn……. Love will find its way to you as some people says…….
~I don’t want to go out there looking for someone, and asking them to love me…. I just want that person to look for me accidentally…..
~But it would be hard for that person, to make me love her back……….
~Why? Maybe because I just want to know if he could be the right person for me……. You know that I’m too scared to get hurt. I don’t want to be the person who would cry at the end when that someone came into me….
~And I can’t beg for that person to love me back…….. Or again…..
~Letting go is also one of the things I can do…….. Might not be normal for a person to say but its true……. I want that person to be happy up to the last day that we would be together…. But moving on is not the best thing that I can do…….
~Love is not a game….. It’s a commitment… Love is not all about sex…. Its all about loving someone more than anyone else… Love is not affection….. It’s more than adoration….. Love is not all about being happy… It could also be the reason why a lot of people gets hurt….. That last sentence is what I’m too afraid of…….
~Someday I would go in that situation….. But I’m not yet ready to face it, luckily I can understand it…….
~Almost all of the people thinks about nothing more than sex…….
~Hmmnnn……. Love will find its way to you as some people says…….
~I don’t want to go out there looking for someone, and asking them to love me…. I just want that person to look for me accidentally…..
~But it would be hard for that person, to make me love her back……….
~Why? Maybe because I just want to know if he could be the right person for me……. You know that I’m too scared to get hurt. I don’t want to be the person who would cry at the end when that someone came into me….
~And I can’t beg for that person to love me back…….. Or again…..
~Letting go is also one of the things I can do…….. Might not be normal for a person to say but its true……. I want that person to be happy up to the last day that we would be together…. But moving on is not the best thing that I can do…….
~Love is not a game….. It’s a commitment… Love is not all about sex…. Its all about loving someone more than anyone else… Love is not affection….. It’s more than adoration….. Love is not all about being happy… It could also be the reason why a lot of people gets hurt….. That last sentence is what I’m too afraid of…….
~Someday I would go in that situation….. But I’m not yet ready to face it, luckily I can understand it…….
Answers
November 2, 2005
~ I found an answer to my dilemma…
~ Yes, its true….. I wasn’t ready and too much scared being committed… I thought about things too much that I didn’t thought that… I, at the fist place was being unselfish to others but being selfish to myself… instead of thinking about myself; I saved it for others.... I was just a second priority…..
~ I lost myself….. Now I’m looking for who I really am…. Understanding my capabilities, my traits, change myself for the better…… understanding and knowing more about myself are two of the different challenges that have came to me yet…….
~ trying wont hurt I guess……….
~ Maybe its time for me to experience how to love and how to be in-love…….
~ Maybe I would give someone a chance to enter my heart, to ease my pain…….. just once…. I just want to be happy for myself, thinking not only others but especially myself………
~ But once I felt that it’s wrong and once I was hurt…… that’s the time that I would stop…….
~ Commitment….. Maybe that’s the thing that I was looking for, to change my personality from being so dark…….. to being happy……..
~ I found an answer to my dilemma…
~ Yes, its true….. I wasn’t ready and too much scared being committed… I thought about things too much that I didn’t thought that… I, at the fist place was being unselfish to others but being selfish to myself… instead of thinking about myself; I saved it for others.... I was just a second priority…..
~ I lost myself….. Now I’m looking for who I really am…. Understanding my capabilities, my traits, change myself for the better…… understanding and knowing more about myself are two of the different challenges that have came to me yet…….
~ trying wont hurt I guess……….
~ Maybe its time for me to experience how to love and how to be in-love…….
~ Maybe I would give someone a chance to enter my heart, to ease my pain…….. just once…. I just want to be happy for myself, thinking not only others but especially myself………
~ But once I felt that it’s wrong and once I was hurt…… that’s the time that I would stop…….
~ Commitment….. Maybe that’s the thing that I was looking for, to change my personality from being so dark…….. to being happy……..
Darkness
October 22, 2005
~am still in a stage where questions can only be answered on my own..... Only me......... it’s whether to face the consequences or to avoid the outcome of my actions………
~when I lose myself in the heaven of my dreams... or look blankly in a tall dark wall........ Imagining that i'm w/ someone.......... someone more than a friend........... This someone changed my life from just being lonely, sad, full of self-pity, confusion........ But instead.......... that person gave me comfort, inspiration.......... love..............
~then when I woke up.......... alone staring at nothing but darkness I realize..... That I can’t be that person in my dream.......... I can’t liveIn that kind of lifestyle.......... i’m just stuck w/ nothing but........... but me........... Feeling left out, feeling that this world is against me……….
~ In reality, people see me as a person full of laughter, humor, a happy-go-lucky person, strong……….. But when I’m all alone…. I’m a totally different person……. overcoming this pain, this uncertainty really makes me frustrated……… its hard but I must do what must be done………
~to find who really am I, and to be proud of what I have become, and to show what I’m capable to do…..
~Sometimes crying needs a certain kind of courage… a courage to show what you really feel, a courage to show who you really are…….. But I don’t have it……… worst……. I can’t do it……….
~as I always say “experience is a great teacher, we learn and grow from it”… I hope it does……….
~……….. I really hope it does…………..
~am still in a stage where questions can only be answered on my own..... Only me......... it’s whether to face the consequences or to avoid the outcome of my actions………
~when I lose myself in the heaven of my dreams... or look blankly in a tall dark wall........ Imagining that i'm w/ someone.......... someone more than a friend........... This someone changed my life from just being lonely, sad, full of self-pity, confusion........ But instead.......... that person gave me comfort, inspiration.......... love..............
~then when I woke up.......... alone staring at nothing but darkness I realize..... That I can’t be that person in my dream.......... I can’t liveIn that kind of lifestyle.......... i’m just stuck w/ nothing but........... but me........... Feeling left out, feeling that this world is against me……….
~ In reality, people see me as a person full of laughter, humor, a happy-go-lucky person, strong……….. But when I’m all alone…. I’m a totally different person……. overcoming this pain, this uncertainty really makes me frustrated……… its hard but I must do what must be done………
~to find who really am I, and to be proud of what I have become, and to show what I’m capable to do…..
~Sometimes crying needs a certain kind of courage… a courage to show what you really feel, a courage to show who you really are…….. But I don’t have it……… worst……. I can’t do it……….
~as I always say “experience is a great teacher, we learn and grow from it”… I hope it does……….
~……….. I really hope it does…………..
Confusion
october 19, 2005
~ this has been the most confusing day..... yet!i dont know what to do
~to choose between: being happy for myself, or to make someone happy for me..... like for example... my family......
~is it really true that you must first love yourself, before loving someone else?
~but the counterpart of it is: think of others before thinking about yourself....
~is loving yourself really that selfish? or is it a way to taking care of the life God has given to you?.
~ maybe thats the reason why im not open to sirious relationships... maybe because i dont want to see myself crying in front of a mirror for a person whom i loved... or am i just too scared being hurtted?.....
.~i'm so confused...........
~ this has been the most confusing day..... yet!i dont know what to do
~to choose between: being happy for myself, or to make someone happy for me..... like for example... my family......
~is it really true that you must first love yourself, before loving someone else?
~but the counterpart of it is: think of others before thinking about yourself....
~is loving yourself really that selfish? or is it a way to taking care of the life God has given to you?.
~ maybe thats the reason why im not open to sirious relationships... maybe because i dont want to see myself crying in front of a mirror for a person whom i loved... or am i just too scared being hurtted?.....
.~i'm so confused...........
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